"Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace.” (Luke 1:78-79)

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Yesterday was a day of extreme frustration and angst. I don't want to go into all the details, for fear of turning this into a moan and groan session (those closest to me can probably surmise the source of my frustration :). Besides, the purpose of my blog is to share how I see God working and moving in the ordinary, daily events of life. I'm seeking to live life with an awareness of the Presence of God on this side of heaven (what Brother Lawrence calls "practicing the Presence of God").

So, back to yesterday. Twice I sat at my computer -- wanting to form my thoughts and emotions into words. But I wasn't sure where God was leading me, and my thoughts simply would not gel. On top of that, I didn't feel like God was giving me a green light to post what I was writing. So I deleted it, logged off the computer, and pulled out my journal. I think I needed to vent to God before I could make sense of things. I've often found that getting my thoughts and emotions out of my brain and onto paper helps me get some perspective. So I spewed it all out (even put a hole in my paper -- ouch). God just patiently listened to my vent. He never once told me to "put on a happy face". At the time, He didn't try to explain things. He simply let me unload on Him. No platitudes offered...just His big, broad shoulders.

After I was calm, He reminded me of something I had read and journaled just the night before. /pause/ This happens to me often. God frequently tells me something before I even know I need it. He prepares me with a Bible passage or a profound thought in a book I'm reading. He will highlight it in my mind and I'm not always even aware of it. But then, when the time is just right, He reminds me of what I read and it fits my need perfectly...so cool!

This is what I read and journaled on Friday evening...

"God sometimes calls people to a cause not born of their own abilities or most superficial desires. But His call is always absolutely congruent with our destiny, our truest self, our identity and the shape of our being." (David Benner; "The Gift of Being Yourself"; p. 102-103)

God gently reminded me that He called me to this "cause" that so often serves to frustrate me to pieces. On my own I don't have the ability -- or even the desire -- to accept what He's called me to. But yet, deep inside, I know -- I truly believe -- that this calling on my life is from God. More than that, I believe that out of this deep source of pain and confusion will emerge my truest self.

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