"Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace.” (Luke 1:78-79)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Abba...I belong to You!

Long time, no post!  It's a little hard for me to concentrate on anything for any length of time in the summer.  When Kyle's home, all bets are off!  So now that school is underway again, I feel like I can catch my breath a little.  Unfortunately, it's not been a great start to the year.  Kyle's anxiety is in full bloom.  His final words to me tonight were, "I'm NOT going to school anymore".  (sigh)  Tomorrow morning could be a little dicey (typical).

I'm a member of an online support group for parents of adolescents and teens with bipolar disorder.  Tonight someone sent a blog that she found meaningful.  It was about letting go of your mind and body through yoga.  She talked about centering herself...letting go of the pain...releasing and relaxing the body and mind...trusting.  She finds yoga helpful when her child's world (and therefore her own) is spinning out of control because of her child's illness.

I found the blog interesting -- especially the timing of it.  When Kyle is unstable, we all feel the affects.  To be honest, it's been a difficult week.  It takes a lot of strength to not be sucked down into the swirling vortex of the emotions of mental illness.  So what is there to hold onto?  What can I do to regain some equilibrium; to bring my mind and body back to a place of peace when there's anger, anxiety, and agitation all around me?  Is yoga the answer?  I question that.  Nowhere in her blog did the author write about who or what she is trusting, once she "lets go".  She simply empties her mind.  But what will fill it once it's emptied?  What happens when her daughter wakes up tomorrow still angry with the world...still unstable...still ill?  What good does an "empty mind" do then?

God led me to a beautiful prayer this week.  Just in time, I might add!  (He has such an incredible way of doing that :).  I just finished reading Brennan Manning's book, The Ragamuffin Gospel.  What an amazing book!  I highly recommend it.  Anyway, he suggests a "prayer of simple regard".  Simply breathe in and out as you pray, "Abba...I belong to You."  As you do this, you become filled with such a profound awareness of who you are and Who you belong to.  It's such a comfort to be reminded with every breath you breathe that One much stronger than you is in control of each crazy situation you encounter.

Even though my world sometimes feels as if it's spinning out of control, God assures me it's not.  When I empty myself of me -- when I let go and trust my Abba -- God fills my mind with incredible peace.  And Abba Father's peace exceeds anything the world offers.